"As Good as it Gets" is a song sung by Chef and Gwynne in Bewitched, Bothered and Belittled.

This is as Good as It Gets

This is as Good as It Gets


Chef: We got a snazzy, new room
With two whole benches
It's practically rodent-free
We got expensive perfume
For all our stenches
As swellegant as can be
And with these pointy, new shoes
To walk through mud in
Fancy silk squares to cough up blood in
Baby, let's face it
This is as good as it gets

Gwynne: I suppose it is rather nice.
We got the classier type of bedbug species
Between our new burlap sheets
Chef: We got a custom-made pipe
That dumps our feces
On one of the nicest streets
Gwynne: And when there's something amiss
Inside our britches
Chef: Our barber applies his fattest leeches
Gwynne: Why not embrace it?
Chef + Gwynne: This is as good as it gets

Chef: We're part of the upper lower class now
Gwynne: Sickly, yet oh-so chic
Chef: Our glass is half-full
Gwynne: We own a glass now
Chef: We bathe once a week
Gwynne: Well, “bathe,” so to speak

Chef + Gwynne: And as our station in life keeps growing stronger
We're growing in more ways, too
Gwynne: I think my tapeworm is, like, a whole foot longer
Chef: By now I might have a few
Chef + Gwynne: And though our breath and our teeth may still be rotten
Together, just look how far we've gotten
Chef: Baby, we made it
Gwynne: Totally slayed it
Chef + Gwynne: Why would we trade it?
This is...
As good as it ge-e-e-e-e-e-ts

"Sid's Lullaby"
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